One more. One sec. And it’s 10 p.m.

Peeling them out of the house in the morning is like pulling four pieces of chewing gum off the bottom of my shoe. Only it’s accompanied by growls.

One shower lasted 15 minutes. “One sec.” “One sec.” “One sec.” Consequently, I put away the cereal, bowl, spoon, and milk. I knew it would be a granola-bar-in-the-car morning. Or no breakfast at all because, after all, how can one eat anything with the taste of toothpaste in one’s mouth? It ruins the taste of all food.

I’m a morning person. My candle burns low after 8 p.m., which is when I begin as the caller of this square dance, calling each move four times – finish your homework, put your homework in your backpack, put the books on the shelf, put your Bakugans away, brush your teeth, floss your teeth, wash your face, go to the bathroom, pick up your clothes, give me the book and the light under the sheets. Then, I just want to lie in peace for an hour. Until 11:00. And that makes me a night person. Unhappy when my alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m. to be a morning person.

When I try my “Good morning, hun, your alarm went off. It’s time to get up,” it falls on ears of children that went to bed at 10:30. The utterance of these words fall harshly on non-morning children. I’m ignored or grunted and growled at. One grunts a pained “mmmmmm.” The other growls a guttural “rrrrrrrrr.”

While I goaded Liam this morning with ten minutes to get to school and a multitude of tasks undone, Liam leisurely explained that “it doesn’t take that long to get to school.” Yes, yes. So true. Wait right here – let me just warm up the Mom-mobile and get my super cape on so that I can fly you there.” Honestly, I want to be late enough one day that we don’t make it on time. I want him to explain to the teacher why we are late. I want him to give MY explanation (15-minute shower) NOT his (Mom). A broken strategy.

Perhaps I need a reward system, for my words fail me. Before I embark on another one of those, I’m going with two-word utterances in the morning. Directives. Unarguable. Because I’m the Mom. “Shower. Now.” “Dress. Now.” “Eat. Now.”

My attempt at pleasantries with supporting reasons “why” are lost.  The words of reason are swallowed on the sound waves like those of Charlie Brown’s teacher, even though there are only two feet between me and those young ears.

My gut says this two-word strategy may work. This morning, I landed at school with the other Mom-mobiles double-parked – their capes flying out their windows. Rather than saying “have a great day,” “we are here,” “put the book down” and other niceties, I used two words briskly spaced. “Get. Out.” Immediate action. “Backpack. Lunch bag.” And out the door he went. Two minutes after the bell had rung, but 30 seconds before the last kid entered the school.

Happy Hump Day.


Pebbles Upon a Stone

Hump Day Shorts October 15, 2014
stones on stone 1

I don’t run.   I don’t jog.  I walk.  And Tuesday,  out of the walking routine, I wandered.  Wearing pants with no pockets, I carried my phone. The wander turned into a 5k meander.  The phone became a camera. Many years ago Bill and I went with friends to Belize and spent a week on […]

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A 5k Fall Meander

Guilty Pleasures October 15, 2014

The scenic views in my 5k fall meander were beautiful but hard to capture.  Little tidbits sometimes paint the best picture of the whole. (the stone is dated 1861) (Have you seen the Pebbles on a Stone?) 

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50 Miles a Day

Me & My Boys October 11, 2014

50 miles a day.  That’s what the trip meter says in the van.  That’s not equivalent to 50 minutes driving on an open highway in the Midwest.  The conversion of mileage to time is in hours. I believe I once purchased Dragon software, which is voice recognition software – I talk and it types.  Would […]

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We Believe

Hump Day Shorts September 23, 2014
We Believe logo

Will’s school issued iPads to all students, so occasionally I get an email from him during the day. Last week… Will: “I forgot my pencil case! The only place I will get in trouble is religion.” Me: “Why religion?” Will: “I need red and black pens.” Me: “Do you have your colored pencils? If so, […]

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How to Get a Christmas Cactus to Bloom

Guilty Pleasures September 20, 2014

With nights that dip into the low 40’s, the house plants that have spent the summer on our porch deck are moving inside. I only have a few plants, and I call them heirloom plants: two mother-in-law tongues from Grandma Mills, one climbing vine from Granddad Mill’s funeral, one giant Christmas cactus from Grandma Murphy, […]

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