Benign Spot

The good thing about MRI's: they pick up everything. The bad thing about MRI's: they pick up everything.

Fortunately, my "new" spot that was picked up on last Wednesday's MRI, that was looked at thoroughly on Thursday's ultrasound, and that was whisked away during Friday's surgery was benign -- no cancer. Probably just post-operative tissue acting out and getting caught on tape.

Now, we're once again entering the on-ramp toward the chemo interstate. Bill and I will meet with my oncologist at MGH Friday for a consult. After that, I assume we'll have a new tentative start date for chemo.

Linda

3rd Surgery

5:30 p.m. and I'm home from the hospital. All went well. I'm a little sorer this time than the previous two. I'll have results next week some time. I had a port implanted yesterday so I look a little like a warrior! ;)

Bill fixed me up with 7Up and Campbell's soup then went to pick up Will & Liam from a friend's house where they had a play date this afternoon after school.

We'll probably be lying low this weekend... Sunday is Liam's "Forever Family Day" -- we brought him home from Korea three years ago!

Linda

Plan: a nice quiet Friday night

...and now: the reality of Friday night:

4:00 p.m. Liam, lying flat on his back in our pebble pit under the swings: "Mom, I'm a seal!" Me: "Oh..."

4:15 p.m. Liam, calling out from under the climbing wall: "Mom, can you get this out?" Me, used to having to remove big boogers: "What is it? Do you need a Kleenex?" Liam: "It's a rock booger." Me: "Really? Liam, with a big grin, nods his head. Me: "Will, need your flashlight!" Me, after confirming rock booger: "Why did you put a rock up your nose?" Liam, with a big grin: "I'm a seal!" Me, confused.

4:25 Me, after being unable to find a small crochet hook: "OK, everyone in the car!" Will: "We're going to Dr. Mueller's for a lollipop!" Me: "No, Dr. Mueller is gone for the day. We're going to the hospital to have the rock removed from Liam's nose." Liam: "I want to go see Dr. Mueller!" Me: "Sorry honey, we're going the emergency room and Dr. Mueller will not be there, neither will her lollipops."

4:30 On the way to the hospital, following the directions on the GPS. I had pre-programmed the hospital as a favorite a few months ago.

A sampling of Will & Liam's chat, while I'm trying to control a big case of giggles in the front seat, listening to this exhange: Will: "So, Liam, why did you put a rock up your nose?" Liam: "I'm a seal." Will: "I put a peanut up my nose one time, but Mom got it out. I didn't have to go to the hospital." Liam: "Do you have a peanut up your nose now, Will?" Will: "No, I never did that again. And you shouldn't put a rock up your nose again, Liam." Liam: "Oh."

4:45 Arrive at ER. On a scale of 1 - 5, 1 being trauma, we are judged as a 4. (Liam was quite normal, breathing just fine.) Watched Nemo 1 1/2 times in the children's waiting area, Purelling like mad.

6:30 p.m. Bill rescues Will from the boredom and takes him home for dinner.

7:20 Nurse,in the exam room: "Liam, why are you here?" Liam, suffering post-traumatic stress from the flu shot earlier in the week: "Don't hurt me! No band-aids!" Nurse exits.

7:25 Me, with a sudden thought: "Liam, there is just one rock in your nose, right?" Liam, looking at me out of the corners of his eyes: "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, Mom!" Me: "Liam, how many really? Just one?" Liam, with that grin of his: "Two Mom." Me: "REALLY?" Liam, nods and holds two fingers up.

7:30 Liam, finding the call button: "What's this Mom?" Me: "That's how you call the nurse." Liam, talks into the call button: "I need a nurse... I said, I need a nurse!... Did it work Mom?" Me, hardly able to control myself at this point: "I don't know. Maybe you need to call the doctor." Liam, again talking into the call button: "Doctor, I need a nurse!"

7:35 Doctor: "Liam, what happened?" Liam: "I put a rock in my nose." Doctor: "Why did you do that?" Liam: "I'm a seal." Me: "When he was a dog last spring, I did the Heimlich maneuver to get the rocks out of his throat." Doctor: "Ohhhh.... this procedure should be less traumatic. Let's have a look Liam." Liam obediently tipped his head back. Doctor: "Liam, you have a rock in your nose." Liam proudly nodded.

7:40 Liam, with his Superman cape on, (a very clever straight-jacket of sorts: pillowcase behind him with both arms inside so that when he was on the bed he couldn't move his arms) Doctor, starting procedure: "You're doing great Liam. We're going to take that rock out now." After a little work with the big tweezers, and a little yelling from Liam, a rock came out. (I wouldn't have gotten it with my crochet hook.) Doctor, taking his head light off: "It's out Liam." Me: "I think you should take another look, just to make sure there aren't two." Doctor, putting his light back on: "Oh yeah, that's right." Liam, hearing me and seeing the light come back on, "There's only one, Mom! MOM, THERE'S ONLY ONE!" Doctor, taking his head light off: "You're right, Liam. Only one."

8:00 ...back home, finally, the beginning of a nice quiet Friday night

Weather in Iowa and Angels on a Pin Head

This journey is much like the weather in Iowa: wait five minutes and it will change! Consequently, with each decision made, I'm waiting about four days to see if the plan stays in place before I share any "news." (My method reminds me of the delay television stations have in case something needs to be bleeped out.)

For instance, my lymph node (the only one which was cancerous) didn't actually "burst" -- there was a tiny, tiny leak. And yes it took a while to get to this conclusion. Although I won't start radiation until after chemo, I had a consult with my radiation doctor on Friday. He assured me that there would be no direct radiation to that site under my arm, only to the breast itself. Ahhhh....

The radiation doctor also left me with this great visual: I'm pretty much cancer free right now. According to him, to count the cancer cells in my body would be like "counting the angels dancing on a pinhead." And THAT -- regardless of what any other medical professional will say on this journey -- is the vision I'm allowing to dance in my head!

:)

Linda

The Plan as of 9/17/09

I went to Mass. General Hospital (MGH) Monday the 14th, and have decided to have chemo under the oncologist I met there.

As it stands today, I will start chemo Friday, October 2nd. The treatment period will be 20 weeks. The first four treatments will be every other week, and the remainder will be weekly.

I will be participating in one trial, hopefully another if the studies will allow we to do both at the same time.

I have two days planned at MGH next week for tests.

Linda

Pet Scan Normal

This is a big one. When I found out I had cancer, my first thought was ‘is it any where else?’ To that, the chemo doctor said, “I can help you.” Boom. PET scan ordered. Radioactive one day. Results in. Immediate relief.

By the way, the radioactive day kept Bill and me in stitches with radioactive jokes…most related in some strange way to James Bond. Even with the new material, Bill couldn’t resist capping off the night with his standard “what’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?” :) (For those of you who haven’t known Bill for 20years, the answer is: you can wash your hands in a “basin.”)

The coming week is filled with assorted appointments, including a second opinion at Mass. General in Boston on the chemo/radiation treatment. I feel completely confident in my local medical team but have decided to have a second opinion so as not to second-guess the decision in the future.

We had chemo class last week. The only big surprise was for Bill. Karen, the chemo teacher, has a “bauble” rule. It’s governed by the color of the chemo drugs. Mine will be clear, red, and another clear. According to Karen, that translates to a diamond, a ruby and another diamond. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I’m not into jewels, nor that the one precious piece of jewelry I already own has diamonds and rubies, AND that it was a gift from Bill 17 years ago! (Many of you witnessed that “gift giving” ceremony in Iowa and celebrated with us in Illinois…) Anyway I didn’t say anything because she was really holding Bill’s feet to the fire… she was quick-witted and Bill didn’t go in prepared to match wits with a chemo teacher!

Within the next month or so, you will be getting an email from a website that I’m setting up called “lotsahelpinghands.” I believe the subject line will include “LHH.” It will be a central location for family and friends to access notes from me and will eliminate my management, or lack thereof, of email address lists. Locally, it will also let people know how they can help out in the coming months.

Know that we’re staying strong and staying in the moment. Yesterday’s moment from Liam: “Mom, it’s raining in the bathroom!” And it was, a stream from the ceiling, but that’s a whole other story… ;)

Much love,

Linda

Clean Margins!

Ahhhh... those are two wonderful words! I had a "clean-up" surgery on the 25th to remove a few cancer cells that eluded the surgeon during the first surgery on the 11th. I just learned today that the second surgery was a success. :)

After the first surgery, I also learned that only one lymph node was affected -- more good news! Apparently that lymph node had a minor burst; I'm still unsure if that area will require radiation -- opinions vary on that one. I'll find out more in September as the month is dotted with doctor appts of various kinds and sorts. I still anticipate chemo starting in mid-October.

Thank you all for your emails, calls, cards, thoughts and prayers. They occasionally move me to tears. More often they keep me smiling, laughing heartily, and oh so thankful for friends.

The four of us are driving to Montreal Thursday for Labor Day weekend... Safe travels everyone and enjoy the long weekend.

Staying strong...

Much love, Linda

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson